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Without a doubt,
Sep. 16th, 2009 | 12:47 pm
location: Bedroom
mood: awake
music: Madonna
the longest and strangest dream of my life.
The first dream is that everyone lives outside and there's a parking lot on the grass right near the tents I live in, but I also have a back porch and a gazebo. I guess I could describe it better as people living in a tailgate party. So there's this huge monster thing in the gazebo and it seems like it does everything I do. So I throw a doll in there and I'm holding a doll, I pop my doll's head off and it does the same. Which is good because I was gonna do a different experiment which would have, theoretically, caused my head to be removed.
So now we live in our house but I have a ten-year old sister and Alex Hogue is my best friend. But more exciting is how this portion starts out. I look in grocery bags in my kitchen and sitting there, plain as day, are CANS OF SPAGHETTI-Os. YESSS THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE. I eat some Spaghetti-os and clean up the house for my little sister's birthday party. So one of the little girls at said party has a mom and baby brother who are also there and the girl keeps standing on this big box holding her baby brother and dropping it and I keep catching the baby over and over and the mom isn't even noticing that I'm saving her child's life, it's really obnoxious. And then they're listening to the High School Musical soundtrack and I'm dancing along with Alex cause we both know the dances and blah blah whatever. So apparently I have this really embarrassing relative in this dream who looks like Kid Rock. And he keeps telling the kids that if you talk into electrical outlets you can hear it elsewhere in the house coming out of the others. Which is true for the heating vents but not the outlets. So anyway he's got these little girls scared shitless of him shoving their ears against outlets in my house. Creeepy. For some reason I'm famished agian so I go downstairs and my mom is on the couch with KARINA. I go, "Mom I'm hungry" she goes, "Go to Grandma's. I have to go there anyway, Mr. Hudak (a friend of my grandmother's) is waiting for me there anyway. Ya know how your Uncle Steve isn't really your uncle?" And this is when it occurs to me that the Kid Rock relative is actually my Uncle Steve who isn't really my uncle he's just my dad's best friend. But he doesn't look or act like Uncle Steve and has nothing to do with him. It's weird. I go, "Yeah?" She goes, "Well that's Mr. Hudak to me. He had a problem with how they test toys." And she pushes my mind into this flashback, I don't know how, where kids are in a playpen attached to the dirty alley in back of a toy factory and they're THROWING THESE HUGE TOYS AT THEM. These toys are like, the size of two or more adults EACH. They'll come back into the story later BUT FIRST.
We're at my high school but none of the people who I went to high school with are there. In the music wing I discover that I'm to play Juliet in Romeo and Juliet and I have to learn lines. So apparently Romeo's first line in the play is "Get into the groove, boy you've got to prove your love to me," which, as anyone who lives on planet earth would know, are the main lyrics to one of Madonna's most popular songs. ANYWAY those lyrics were also used by Tilly and the Wall in a song called Let It Rain and it takes me a minute but based on the acoustic guitar he's playing and singing on, it's the Tilly and the Wall version. So I go into the bathroom and I'm singing the rest of the song and this gaggle of weird-looking girls awaits me. They're standing there looking oh so creepy and they also know the words and apparently they think I'm real cool but they run out pretty quickly. This is when I pee in my dream which should have been a dead giveaway that I should try to wake up, but I didn't catch on, I was sleeping really deeply. So I step out of the bathroom and they're trying to fit me for costumes but my dad comes in and he's like WE GOTTA GO so I tell the director of our school play, not Mrs. Derrick (the play director at Burnt Hills) cause she's crazy and shouldn't be in my dreams.
Here begins section four. My dad and I are apparently health nuts in my dream world so he gives me vitamins to take and then starts talking about how stressful he knows my life must be with the play and everything and I was like "yeah man thanks for understanding." So he goes, "Someday you'll have to try acid. I'm not saying all the time just sometime." I go, "And when would that happen?" "Twelve minutes ago," because one of those "vitamins" was LSD. So we get onto this boat and it's one of those old-fashioned southern river boats with the big fan on the back, ya know? And we're going down this murky old river and I jut feel AMAZING.
Now we're sitting in front of a laundromat in the middle of the night. But the outside of the laundromat looks like one of those really sketchy "fun houses" at the county fair, you know what I'm talking about. Except it's HUGE. Apparently the laundromat also has hotel rooms upstairs and the owner is on the balcony yelling at us saying if we need a room we can definitely have one but we really have to stop sitting in front of his store because business hours are over. We're like no, we're waiting for something, but I don't know what we're waiting for. SUDDENLY this stampede of those mutant toys from dream two comes barreling down the street in our direction and my dad goes THOSE ARE WAY BIGGER THAN I THOUGHT THEY WERE GOING TO BE (And they are way bigger than they were originally, now they're King Kong-sized) and for some reason the Asian laundromat owner was on the street with us and the only way to get back upstairs is to go up a ladder, the across monkey bars, then down a slide, then up a little rock wall, the journey goes on. Like I said, it's like one of those fun houses. and just as I'm getting to the top of the first ladder I realize I'M A DOG. And then it turns into Rainbow Road on Mario Kart, if you haven't played Mario Kart on Wii, basically I'm now in space trying not to fall into an abyss.
Then I woke up. And thankfully I didn't wet the bed during the peeing part of my dream.
This is open for interpretation.
The first dream is that everyone lives outside and there's a parking lot on the grass right near the tents I live in, but I also have a back porch and a gazebo. I guess I could describe it better as people living in a tailgate party. So there's this huge monster thing in the gazebo and it seems like it does everything I do. So I throw a doll in there and I'm holding a doll, I pop my doll's head off and it does the same. Which is good because I was gonna do a different experiment which would have, theoretically, caused my head to be removed.
So now we live in our house but I have a ten-year old sister and Alex Hogue is my best friend. But more exciting is how this portion starts out. I look in grocery bags in my kitchen and sitting there, plain as day, are CANS OF SPAGHETTI-Os. YESSS THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE. I eat some Spaghetti-os and clean up the house for my little sister's birthday party. So one of the little girls at said party has a mom and baby brother who are also there and the girl keeps standing on this big box holding her baby brother and dropping it and I keep catching the baby over and over and the mom isn't even noticing that I'm saving her child's life, it's really obnoxious. And then they're listening to the High School Musical soundtrack and I'm dancing along with Alex cause we both know the dances and blah blah whatever. So apparently I have this really embarrassing relative in this dream who looks like Kid Rock. And he keeps telling the kids that if you talk into electrical outlets you can hear it elsewhere in the house coming out of the others. Which is true for the heating vents but not the outlets. So anyway he's got these little girls scared shitless of him shoving their ears against outlets in my house. Creeepy. For some reason I'm famished agian so I go downstairs and my mom is on the couch with KARINA. I go, "Mom I'm hungry" she goes, "Go to Grandma's. I have to go there anyway, Mr. Hudak (a friend of my grandmother's) is waiting for me there anyway. Ya know how your Uncle Steve isn't really your uncle?" And this is when it occurs to me that the Kid Rock relative is actually my Uncle Steve who isn't really my uncle he's just my dad's best friend. But he doesn't look or act like Uncle Steve and has nothing to do with him. It's weird. I go, "Yeah?" She goes, "Well that's Mr. Hudak to me. He had a problem with how they test toys." And she pushes my mind into this flashback, I don't know how, where kids are in a playpen attached to the dirty alley in back of a toy factory and they're THROWING THESE HUGE TOYS AT THEM. These toys are like, the size of two or more adults EACH. They'll come back into the story later BUT FIRST.
We're at my high school but none of the people who I went to high school with are there. In the music wing I discover that I'm to play Juliet in Romeo and Juliet and I have to learn lines. So apparently Romeo's first line in the play is "Get into the groove, boy you've got to prove your love to me," which, as anyone who lives on planet earth would know, are the main lyrics to one of Madonna's most popular songs. ANYWAY those lyrics were also used by Tilly and the Wall in a song called Let It Rain and it takes me a minute but based on the acoustic guitar he's playing and singing on, it's the Tilly and the Wall version. So I go into the bathroom and I'm singing the rest of the song and this gaggle of weird-looking girls awaits me. They're standing there looking oh so creepy and they also know the words and apparently they think I'm real cool but they run out pretty quickly. This is when I pee in my dream which should have been a dead giveaway that I should try to wake up, but I didn't catch on, I was sleeping really deeply. So I step out of the bathroom and they're trying to fit me for costumes but my dad comes in and he's like WE GOTTA GO so I tell the director of our school play, not Mrs. Derrick (the play director at Burnt Hills) cause she's crazy and shouldn't be in my dreams.
Here begins section four. My dad and I are apparently health nuts in my dream world so he gives me vitamins to take and then starts talking about how stressful he knows my life must be with the play and everything and I was like "yeah man thanks for understanding." So he goes, "Someday you'll have to try acid. I'm not saying all the time just sometime." I go, "And when would that happen?" "Twelve minutes ago," because one of those "vitamins" was LSD. So we get onto this boat and it's one of those old-fashioned southern river boats with the big fan on the back, ya know? And we're going down this murky old river and I jut feel AMAZING.
Now we're sitting in front of a laundromat in the middle of the night. But the outside of the laundromat looks like one of those really sketchy "fun houses" at the county fair, you know what I'm talking about. Except it's HUGE. Apparently the laundromat also has hotel rooms upstairs and the owner is on the balcony yelling at us saying if we need a room we can definitely have one but we really have to stop sitting in front of his store because business hours are over. We're like no, we're waiting for something, but I don't know what we're waiting for. SUDDENLY this stampede of those mutant toys from dream two comes barreling down the street in our direction and my dad goes THOSE ARE WAY BIGGER THAN I THOUGHT THEY WERE GOING TO BE (And they are way bigger than they were originally, now they're King Kong-sized) and for some reason the Asian laundromat owner was on the street with us and the only way to get back upstairs is to go up a ladder, the across monkey bars, then down a slide, then up a little rock wall, the journey goes on. Like I said, it's like one of those fun houses. and just as I'm getting to the top of the first ladder I realize I'M A DOG. And then it turns into Rainbow Road on Mario Kart, if you haven't played Mario Kart on Wii, basically I'm now in space trying not to fall into an abyss.
Then I woke up. And thankfully I didn't wet the bed during the peeing part of my dream.
This is open for interpretation.
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I JUST HAD
May. 28th, 2009 | 12:41 am
location: My room
mood: scared
music: n/a
THE MOST TERRIFYING NIGHTMARE.
I dreamt that my friend Maxx and I were at a party, which is weird because we don't really know each other that well, we've only really been talking for a few weeks.
I dreamt we were at this house party and we had to go up a ladder inside the house that led into the attic but it was in the middle of like a rec room, we had to get something from up there and it was the only reason we were at this house. So he went up the ladder ahead of me and for some reason we were both incredibly tired and it was really difficult to climb the ladder, so I looked away to say hi to someone I knew and looked back and he had made it up the ladder without me.
So I get up the ladder so that I can hear what's going on and he's up there talking to some guy who's talking about his opinions on relationships and the dynamics between men and women. The guy keeps saying that his "beliefs can sometimes easily be confused with neo-feminism" but that they're very original. That "if two people are in a real, committed relationship they stay together in the back of their minds for the rest of time."
So I'm straining my eyes trying to see but my head is barely poking up and my eyes are level with the floor, like with all of those attics with drop-down ladders because I'm still standing on the fifth rung or so.
And I can't see a THING except the silhouette of Maxx's head and I go, "What about people who just fuck around?"
And the little guy gets really mad and I still don't know where he is and he's saying "THEN YOU'RE A WHORE AND YOU'VE GIVEN OUT WHORE FOOD. YOU'VE GIVEN A TROPHY." Then I feel his hand over my mouth so I can't breath and I feel his breath on my face and he's screaming YOU'VE GIVEN A TROPHY and really obviously trying to push me down the ladder.
BUT GET THIS. THE GUY IS TINY. HE'S LIKE TWO FEET TALL AND HE LOOKS LIKE ZIGGY BUT HE'S WEARING A COAT AND TIE AND WOODY ALLEN GLASSES. BUT HIS HANDS ARE HUGE.
So anyway now I'm afraid to close my eyes.
I dreamt that my friend Maxx and I were at a party, which is weird because we don't really know each other that well, we've only really been talking for a few weeks.
I dreamt we were at this house party and we had to go up a ladder inside the house that led into the attic but it was in the middle of like a rec room, we had to get something from up there and it was the only reason we were at this house. So he went up the ladder ahead of me and for some reason we were both incredibly tired and it was really difficult to climb the ladder, so I looked away to say hi to someone I knew and looked back and he had made it up the ladder without me.
So I get up the ladder so that I can hear what's going on and he's up there talking to some guy who's talking about his opinions on relationships and the dynamics between men and women. The guy keeps saying that his "beliefs can sometimes easily be confused with neo-feminism" but that they're very original. That "if two people are in a real, committed relationship they stay together in the back of their minds for the rest of time."
So I'm straining my eyes trying to see but my head is barely poking up and my eyes are level with the floor, like with all of those attics with drop-down ladders because I'm still standing on the fifth rung or so.
And I can't see a THING except the silhouette of Maxx's head and I go, "What about people who just fuck around?"
And the little guy gets really mad and I still don't know where he is and he's saying "THEN YOU'RE A WHORE AND YOU'VE GIVEN OUT WHORE FOOD. YOU'VE GIVEN A TROPHY." Then I feel his hand over my mouth so I can't breath and I feel his breath on my face and he's screaming YOU'VE GIVEN A TROPHY and really obviously trying to push me down the ladder.
BUT GET THIS. THE GUY IS TINY. HE'S LIKE TWO FEET TALL AND HE LOOKS LIKE ZIGGY BUT HE'S WEARING A COAT AND TIE AND WOODY ALLEN GLASSES. BUT HIS HANDS ARE HUGE.
So anyway now I'm afraid to close my eyes.
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(no subject)
Apr. 23rd, 2009 | 11:21 pm
location: US, New York, Schenectady, Olde Coach Rd, 47
I'm on my iPod! How cool! Technology just astounds me.
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Wow
Apr. 10th, 2009 | 12:23 pm
location: upstairs
mood: restless
music: my own
Ya know what's cool?
Harmony.
It sounds so perfect and cool and just amazing and fits and feels so good.
That couldn't possibly be an accident!
THERE IS A GOD!
Anyway, Spring is beginning. Or at least Spring Break. Today is Good Friday but there's not much good about it, I've been sitting on the computer all day. I opened up some windows and Kitty loves it.
I have a new friend named Jessie and she loves God and I didn't know that. Very cool! She's adorable and a freshman which is funny because I hate freshmen.
(Lapse 4 hours)
I just learned to play Bennie and the Jets on uke.
GET ME OUT OF MY HOUSE.
Harmony.
It sounds so perfect and cool and just amazing and fits and feels so good.
That couldn't possibly be an accident!
THERE IS A GOD!
Anyway, Spring is beginning. Or at least Spring Break. Today is Good Friday but there's not much good about it, I've been sitting on the computer all day. I opened up some windows and Kitty loves it.
I have a new friend named Jessie and she loves God and I didn't know that. Very cool! She's adorable and a freshman which is funny because I hate freshmen.
(Lapse 4 hours)
I just learned to play Bennie and the Jets on uke.
GET ME OUT OF MY HOUSE.
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A little pissed.
Mar. 28th, 2009 | 07:08 pm
location: Upstairs
mood: bored
music: Hank Williams Jr.
I typed out several conversations that happened between people in my house today, then deleted them in case anyone actually reads this. It's embarrassing how dysfunctional this household is. I'll summarize.
1. My mother is psychotic.
2. My father is not.
3. Karina can be pretty cool.
4. I'm getting better and better at dealing with this shit.
I don't have much else to say, but I'll squeeze out a little bit more.
Marshall's in a band called Mother Puncher and they played at my school's battle of the bands last night, everyone said they did really well but I couldn't go because I was grounded. I feel badly, I wanted to go and support Marshall because he was super nervous. He didn't call me before they played like he was going to, but I understand that it's hectic. I didn't get to give him a pep talk though. He screams for the band, but I'd rather call him the vocalist.
Being grounded is like a punch in the face. One constant punch. Like the fist remains in place on my nose for the length of my grounding. Which at this point is the rest of my senior year. Kill me now, s'il vous plaît. I'm getting a lot of things done though. I'll revert back to list format:
1. I cleaned out the suitcase of crap in my closet. I filled it once when I had to clean out my desk to get rid of it and I didn't feel like dealing with the stuff in the drawers. I threw everything away except an unopened package of notecards and a frisbee.
2. I baked oatmeal cookies with Karina.
3. I taught myself how to French braid my own hair.
4. I did four loads of laundry. Which is funny because this is number four on my list. Not really funny.
5. I downloaded 42 country songs.
6. I painted my toe nails.
7. I watched the majority of a Brady Bunch marathon.
8. I got caught up on my mindless computer use. Like this. Right now.
As you can see being grounded is doing a lot for me.
To quote Hamlet:
"Oh, that this too, too sullied flesh would melt,
Thaw, and resolve itself into a dew,
Or that the Everlasting had not fixed
His canon 'gainst self-slaughter! O God, God!
How weary, stale, flat, and unprofitable
Seem to me all the uses of this world!"
Okay, well maybe it's not that bad. But I am reading this awful play. And Hamlet is the biggest whiner of ALL TIME. That makes me a whiner, I know.
I'm gonna go listen to country music and SMOKE A DUTCH.
Just kidding, I'm not gonna smoke a dutch. I'm not Max.
1. My mother is psychotic.
2. My father is not.
3. Karina can be pretty cool.
4. I'm getting better and better at dealing with this shit.
I don't have much else to say, but I'll squeeze out a little bit more.
Marshall's in a band called Mother Puncher and they played at my school's battle of the bands last night, everyone said they did really well but I couldn't go because I was grounded. I feel badly, I wanted to go and support Marshall because he was super nervous. He didn't call me before they played like he was going to, but I understand that it's hectic. I didn't get to give him a pep talk though. He screams for the band, but I'd rather call him the vocalist.
Being grounded is like a punch in the face. One constant punch. Like the fist remains in place on my nose for the length of my grounding. Which at this point is the rest of my senior year. Kill me now, s'il vous plaît. I'm getting a lot of things done though. I'll revert back to list format:
1. I cleaned out the suitcase of crap in my closet. I filled it once when I had to clean out my desk to get rid of it and I didn't feel like dealing with the stuff in the drawers. I threw everything away except an unopened package of notecards and a frisbee.
2. I baked oatmeal cookies with Karina.
3. I taught myself how to French braid my own hair.
4. I did four loads of laundry. Which is funny because this is number four on my list. Not really funny.
5. I downloaded 42 country songs.
6. I painted my toe nails.
7. I watched the majority of a Brady Bunch marathon.
8. I got caught up on my mindless computer use. Like this. Right now.
As you can see being grounded is doing a lot for me.
To quote Hamlet:
"Oh, that this too, too sullied flesh would melt,
Thaw, and resolve itself into a dew,
Or that the Everlasting had not fixed
His canon 'gainst self-slaughter! O God, God!
How weary, stale, flat, and unprofitable
Seem to me all the uses of this world!"
Okay, well maybe it's not that bad. But I am reading this awful play. And Hamlet is the biggest whiner of ALL TIME. That makes me a whiner, I know.
I'm gonna go listen to country music and SMOKE A DUTCH.
Just kidding, I'm not gonna smoke a dutch. I'm not Max.
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AAHH NOO
Mar. 12th, 2009 | 10:21 am
location: Upstairs
mood: stressed
music: Vivaldi
GET OFF MY BRAIN PLEASE.
I couldn't sleep last night I was feeling so guilty.
First, and inventory of everyone involved in this story:
Marshall- My boyfriend of a year and then some.
Joe- Has been my friend for a few years. I had a crush on him Freshman year, and it's been almost as long as Marshall and me since he's been dating Elizabeth.
Elizabeth- She's adorable, and a really good friend. Joe has never treated her very well but she puts up with it gracefully.
Elyse- This girl I was friends with last summer. She likes marijuana and penises and upside-down crosses. She'd had sex with six guys when she was 14, I think we're up to 8 or 9 at this point. In November she moved to Vermont to live with her dad.
Benson- My close friend, Marshall's close friend, basically Benson and I are really tight with everyone in this situation except he was never friends with Elyse. Until about a month ago, and for a little longer than Marshall and me, he dated Anna.
Anna- Really a sweet girl but she's been mean to Benson for a long time. Anna cheated emotionally on Benson and he broke up with her. She's now dating the other boy.
Andrew- Marshall's best friend. He dated Elyse for most of last summer.
Erin- Was friends with Elyse at the same time I was, and is now coincidentally seeing Benson. She and I have been talking lately.
NOW THAT WE HAVE THAT ALL CLEARED UP THIS SHOULD GO WELL.
Over Christmas break Elyse came to visit her friends in Burnt Hills and stayed with me one night. We were helping Max paint his apartment and she told me that last summer she did unspeakable things with Joe physically. Refer back to the cast list if this is already confusing. She apparently also told Erin.
On Tuesday after lunch I was walking out of the cafeteria with Benson and Joe and Joe ran ahead to catch up to Elizabeth. I turned to Benson and said, "Did you ever feel like Joe might have cheated on Elizabeth?" Because I didn't know if everyone knew or just me. And he said, "Not really, with who?" And I said, "I don't know, maybe Elyse." TURNING POINT. Later that Day Erin and Benson hung out and Benson apparently said something to her about it and she told him that they fooled around last summer. I DIDN'T KNOW ERIN KNEW. Anywho Benson told Anna because he would. Benson asked me if I knew and I said yes, at which point I had to tell Marshall because he was there. Benson said he was going to tell Elizabeth but that was a really bad idea. So instead yesterday afternoon when Benson Marshall and Elizabeth were all at my house I called Joe and told him that I knew, that he should tell her but if he wouldn't I would because she had to know. He said he wasn't going to but begged me sobbing not to and I didn't know what to do. I told him I wouldn't but talked to Benson for advice and he said I really had to, so I called Joe back and told him if he really wouldn't I was going to as soon as I hung up. He said he understood it was the right thing for me to do. I told Elizabeth and she didn't believe me, then I told her both Joe and Elyse confirmed it and she was extremely upset. Duh. So Benson and I tried to comfort her and she went home. Then I called Elyse and told her the truth came out and Asked her if it was while she was dating Andrew, she got mad at me and said it was none of my business. I told her she has no right to be mad at anyone here and that Andrew has the right to know. She said it was when she was dating Andrew. Marshall and Benson and I went to see a movie at Proctor's. Marshall told Andrew last night because that was who he needed to hear it from. Elizabeth and Andrew talked last night and Andrew defended Elyse and Joe, which is ridiculous. I stayed on the phone with Elizabeth for a long time until she thought she could go to sleep last night, which was when the texting began between Joe and me. He told me he wanted to die and that I ruined his life. I tried to comfort him and tell him he can't deal with this by blaming it on other people but he's an ass. I talked to Marshall about it and tried to go to sleep but it took like 7 hours. I got no sleep, so I stayed home today.
On a lighter note the movies at Proctor's last night was part one of our Hitchcock festival, my dad told me it was Rear Window that was playing at 8 but it was The Birds. It was horrifying but he said if I watched it he'd buy me a car. I closed my eyes once and he was like OH NO CAR. What a trickster.
So that's my life. Marshall's good, thank you for asking. My mom and I don't really fight anymore and school is okay. Lent is going well, I'm apologizing to anyone I've wronged.
Now I'm going to Emily's house to help her annihilate her kitchen. YEAH pent up aggression.
I couldn't sleep last night I was feeling so guilty.
First, and inventory of everyone involved in this story:
Marshall- My boyfriend of a year and then some.
Joe- Has been my friend for a few years. I had a crush on him Freshman year, and it's been almost as long as Marshall and me since he's been dating Elizabeth.
Elizabeth- She's adorable, and a really good friend. Joe has never treated her very well but she puts up with it gracefully.
Elyse- This girl I was friends with last summer. She likes marijuana and penises and upside-down crosses. She'd had sex with six guys when she was 14, I think we're up to 8 or 9 at this point. In November she moved to Vermont to live with her dad.
Benson- My close friend, Marshall's close friend, basically Benson and I are really tight with everyone in this situation except he was never friends with Elyse. Until about a month ago, and for a little longer than Marshall and me, he dated Anna.
Anna- Really a sweet girl but she's been mean to Benson for a long time. Anna cheated emotionally on Benson and he broke up with her. She's now dating the other boy.
Andrew- Marshall's best friend. He dated Elyse for most of last summer.
Erin- Was friends with Elyse at the same time I was, and is now coincidentally seeing Benson. She and I have been talking lately.
NOW THAT WE HAVE THAT ALL CLEARED UP THIS SHOULD GO WELL.
Over Christmas break Elyse came to visit her friends in Burnt Hills and stayed with me one night. We were helping Max paint his apartment and she told me that last summer she did unspeakable things with Joe physically. Refer back to the cast list if this is already confusing. She apparently also told Erin.
On Tuesday after lunch I was walking out of the cafeteria with Benson and Joe and Joe ran ahead to catch up to Elizabeth. I turned to Benson and said, "Did you ever feel like Joe might have cheated on Elizabeth?" Because I didn't know if everyone knew or just me. And he said, "Not really, with who?" And I said, "I don't know, maybe Elyse." TURNING POINT. Later that Day Erin and Benson hung out and Benson apparently said something to her about it and she told him that they fooled around last summer. I DIDN'T KNOW ERIN KNEW. Anywho Benson told Anna because he would. Benson asked me if I knew and I said yes, at which point I had to tell Marshall because he was there. Benson said he was going to tell Elizabeth but that was a really bad idea. So instead yesterday afternoon when Benson Marshall and Elizabeth were all at my house I called Joe and told him that I knew, that he should tell her but if he wouldn't I would because she had to know. He said he wasn't going to but begged me sobbing not to and I didn't know what to do. I told him I wouldn't but talked to Benson for advice and he said I really had to, so I called Joe back and told him if he really wouldn't I was going to as soon as I hung up. He said he understood it was the right thing for me to do. I told Elizabeth and she didn't believe me, then I told her both Joe and Elyse confirmed it and she was extremely upset. Duh. So Benson and I tried to comfort her and she went home. Then I called Elyse and told her the truth came out and Asked her if it was while she was dating Andrew, she got mad at me and said it was none of my business. I told her she has no right to be mad at anyone here and that Andrew has the right to know. She said it was when she was dating Andrew. Marshall and Benson and I went to see a movie at Proctor's. Marshall told Andrew last night because that was who he needed to hear it from. Elizabeth and Andrew talked last night and Andrew defended Elyse and Joe, which is ridiculous. I stayed on the phone with Elizabeth for a long time until she thought she could go to sleep last night, which was when the texting began between Joe and me. He told me he wanted to die and that I ruined his life. I tried to comfort him and tell him he can't deal with this by blaming it on other people but he's an ass. I talked to Marshall about it and tried to go to sleep but it took like 7 hours. I got no sleep, so I stayed home today.
On a lighter note the movies at Proctor's last night was part one of our Hitchcock festival, my dad told me it was Rear Window that was playing at 8 but it was The Birds. It was horrifying but he said if I watched it he'd buy me a car. I closed my eyes once and he was like OH NO CAR. What a trickster.
So that's my life. Marshall's good, thank you for asking. My mom and I don't really fight anymore and school is okay. Lent is going well, I'm apologizing to anyone I've wronged.
Now I'm going to Emily's house to help her annihilate her kitchen. YEAH pent up aggression.
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BUT THEN
Mar. 4th, 2009 | 03:55 pm
location: upstairs
mood: hungry
music: Julia Nunes
I READ MARSHALL'S POST. I FEEL BAD AND I'LL WRITE MOARMOARMOAR.
I'm having an awful day. Everyone's so angry. And everything I say makes others angry with me.
Funny, a year ago I would have loved to gripe about it but now I would rather not think about any of this hoopla. Maybe it's good that I'm focusing on the positive, or maybe it's bad that I'm trying to make myself forget about what's happening in my life.
I currently like:
Marshall, Sandy, Benson.
I currently dislike:
Daisy, among others.
But that's normal.
My phone freezes up for a second if I'm doing something and I get a text message, and I always think that's what's happening when my computer freezes up for a second. I'm reeeeeeetarded.
SO SEATTLE THIS SUMMER IS GONNA ROOL. I'm not spending money on anything between now and then, I swear to you. Any babysitting money, any money I get for anything I'm putting it straight into the BANK. NOT just into a shoebox somewhere. BECAUSE THE BANKS NEED IT, BARACK. THEY DON'T NEED US SPENDING 8 DOLLARS A WEEK ON PETTY CRAP. SPENDING IS A VERY SMALL PART OF STIMULATING THE ECONOMY. Man, you just don't get it. I use caps lock soooo much. I seriously need money. Some kids I babysit got water in my iPod, ya know, the one with the touch screen? I didn't tell their parents because I didn't want to make a deal out of it, I shouldn't have had it sitting on the table like that. But it's $119 to fix it and that much money is hard to come by. I just need a job so badly. It's really upsetting that Marshall has a job and he just has money money money and I can't get one no matter how hard I try.
Anywho for Lent I'm deciding to, along with giving up swearing, apologize to people who I've wronged. It's reeeally tough. I started with Laura Esmond, apologizing for saying she was a liar behind her back a while ago. I apologized to my mom that I make bad decisions and it stresses her out. I'll keep you updated on my apologies.
I stayed home from school today because I hate school.
I'm going to fail in life, I just hope I marry Marshall in my twenties, get a part time job, have some kids to homeschool, and Marshall makes money to support us. I think being a full-time wife mother is the job I was personally made for and it's what I'd be best at.
Why can't I stop crying today? AAH I LEFT THE PASTA WATER ON.
I'm having an awful day. Everyone's so angry. And everything I say makes others angry with me.
Funny, a year ago I would have loved to gripe about it but now I would rather not think about any of this hoopla. Maybe it's good that I'm focusing on the positive, or maybe it's bad that I'm trying to make myself forget about what's happening in my life.
I currently like:
Marshall, Sandy, Benson.
I currently dislike:
Daisy, among others.
But that's normal.
My phone freezes up for a second if I'm doing something and I get a text message, and I always think that's what's happening when my computer freezes up for a second. I'm reeeeeeetarded.
SO SEATTLE THIS SUMMER IS GONNA ROOL. I'm not spending money on anything between now and then, I swear to you. Any babysitting money, any money I get for anything I'm putting it straight into the BANK. NOT just into a shoebox somewhere. BECAUSE THE BANKS NEED IT, BARACK. THEY DON'T NEED US SPENDING 8 DOLLARS A WEEK ON PETTY CRAP. SPENDING IS A VERY SMALL PART OF STIMULATING THE ECONOMY. Man, you just don't get it. I use caps lock soooo much. I seriously need money. Some kids I babysit got water in my iPod, ya know, the one with the touch screen? I didn't tell their parents because I didn't want to make a deal out of it, I shouldn't have had it sitting on the table like that. But it's $119 to fix it and that much money is hard to come by. I just need a job so badly. It's really upsetting that Marshall has a job and he just has money money money and I can't get one no matter how hard I try.
Anywho for Lent I'm deciding to, along with giving up swearing, apologize to people who I've wronged. It's reeeally tough. I started with Laura Esmond, apologizing for saying she was a liar behind her back a while ago. I apologized to my mom that I make bad decisions and it stresses her out. I'll keep you updated on my apologies.
I stayed home from school today because I hate school.
I'm going to fail in life, I just hope I marry Marshall in my twenties, get a part time job, have some kids to homeschool, and Marshall makes money to support us. I think being a full-time wife mother is the job I was personally made for and it's what I'd be best at.
Why can't I stop crying today? AAH I LEFT THE PASTA WATER ON.
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No ideas.
Mar. 4th, 2009 | 03:28 pm
location: Upstairs
mood: cold
My ukulele is officially a piece of crap.
One time in the seventh grade Matt Bradt gave me chocolates.
I wish I had some peanut butter Puffins, those are goooooowd.
My cat rules.
I wish I was a little better at sewing.
When I was little I had this awesome bob haircut.
Shark week was a great idea for Mythbusters.
To be an RN you need good Chemistry grades, not Biology.
I'm not sure whether Guitar or Piano is more versatile.
Cheerios are better with orange juice poured on them.
The smell of vanilla makes me gag.
I basically picked my career path out of a hat.
I don't cook for you "just because". It means I love you.
I'm critical of advertisements.
I love Paula Deen and Rachael Ray almost equally.
I can take it like a man 90% of the time.
The olive garden is not Italian food.
One time in the seventh grade Matt Bradt gave me chocolates.
I wish I had some peanut butter Puffins, those are goooooowd.
My cat rules.
I wish I was a little better at sewing.
When I was little I had this awesome bob haircut.
Shark week was a great idea for Mythbusters.
To be an RN you need good Chemistry grades, not Biology.
I'm not sure whether Guitar or Piano is more versatile.
Cheerios are better with orange juice poured on them.
The smell of vanilla makes me gag.
I basically picked my career path out of a hat.
I don't cook for you "just because". It means I love you.
I'm critical of advertisements.
I love Paula Deen and Rachael Ray almost equally.
I can take it like a man 90% of the time.
The olive garden is not Italian food.
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"I dunno what I should write about"
Jan. 15th, 2009 | 12:39 pm
location: Upstairs
mood: sick
music: Israel Kamikawiwo'ole
"Write five things you love, five things you hate, five things you wish, five things you've done recently, five words you like the sound of, five things that are difficult for you, five things that make you sad, and write a little bit about five people."
Five things I love:
1. BABIES.
2. Creating music. It's so much more fulfilling than listening to it.
3. Pistachios. They're salty and sweet and delicious and underrated.
4. Nostalgia. I love remembering things fondly.
5. ...BABIES.
Five things I hate:
1. Anyone under the age of 15 with high-tech electronics. I mean a rudimentary cell phone is okay, but these dicky 11-year-olds with Blackberries and iTouches, shut up.
2. People who say they love music who have no idea what they're talking about.
3. Will Ferrel.
4. Animal cruelty. Like it really, really fires me up.
5. Barack Obama's groupies.
Five things I wish:
1. I wish I had a pretty singing voice.
2. I wish I had the self-control to lose weight.
3. I wish I cared about high school and could bring myself to do the work to do well.
4. I wish I was old enough to get married and settle down.
5. I wish I could ride my bike with no handlebars.
Five things I've done recently:
1. Last night I went to the mall with Tara and Dave, which was fun.
2. Yesterday I gave up on a crossword. =(
3. A few hours ago I tried to learn the words to The End of the World as we Know It by REM.
4. Over Christmas break I painted the pantry in my brother's apartment.
5. Last week I sent in my application to SCCC.
Five words I like the sound of:
1. Totalitarian.
2. Banister.
3. Love.
4. Ukulele.
5. Impressionistic.
Five things that are difficult for me:
1. Bringing myself to do the things I need to do to be healthy.
2. Barred chords on guitar.
3. Not crying in movies.
4. Taking the blame for things.
5. Waking up in the morning.
Five things that make me sad:
1. ASPCA commercials.
2. Crying babies.
3. Lying to my parents.
4. People being mad at me.
5. Feminists make me sad to be a female.
A little bit about five people:
1. Tara Rule is Really tall and thinks the same way as I do. She's my new best friend and I like spending time with her because she doesn't get mad when I fart. She makes me laugh every day.
2. My father is a cuckoo. He likes old music and movies and television and I would be so stupid and uncultured without him. He only gets mad at me if I actually did something wrong, even though he has mood swings like a woman.
3. Jared Mark is a total fag who never hangs out with me but calls me at all hours of the night. Screw that dude. TUH.
4. Mrs. Gangemi is my English teacher. I go to her classroom every day though, she's my favorite person in the school, including other students. She gives me a hug every time I frown.
5. Marshall Hallenbeck is my boyfriend and I have so many different kinds of love for him. He's a great friend, he treats me so well, and he defends me and protects me against anyone who's mean or scary. He's always looking out for me and I always know he loves me. He likes bad music, but he's the best thing in my life. If I could be around him every day I would. He's also unbelievably cute. What a catch. =)
Five things I love:
1. BABIES.
2. Creating music. It's so much more fulfilling than listening to it.
3. Pistachios. They're salty and sweet and delicious and underrated.
4. Nostalgia. I love remembering things fondly.
5. ...BABIES.
Five things I hate:
1. Anyone under the age of 15 with high-tech electronics. I mean a rudimentary cell phone is okay, but these dicky 11-year-olds with Blackberries and iTouches, shut up.
2. People who say they love music who have no idea what they're talking about.
3. Will Ferrel.
4. Animal cruelty. Like it really, really fires me up.
5. Barack Obama's groupies.
Five things I wish:
1. I wish I had a pretty singing voice.
2. I wish I had the self-control to lose weight.
3. I wish I cared about high school and could bring myself to do the work to do well.
4. I wish I was old enough to get married and settle down.
5. I wish I could ride my bike with no handlebars.
Five things I've done recently:
1. Last night I went to the mall with Tara and Dave, which was fun.
2. Yesterday I gave up on a crossword. =(
3. A few hours ago I tried to learn the words to The End of the World as we Know It by REM.
4. Over Christmas break I painted the pantry in my brother's apartment.
5. Last week I sent in my application to SCCC.
Five words I like the sound of:
1. Totalitarian.
2. Banister.
3. Love.
4. Ukulele.
5. Impressionistic.
Five things that are difficult for me:
1. Bringing myself to do the things I need to do to be healthy.
2. Barred chords on guitar.
3. Not crying in movies.
4. Taking the blame for things.
5. Waking up in the morning.
Five things that make me sad:
1. ASPCA commercials.
2. Crying babies.
3. Lying to my parents.
4. People being mad at me.
5. Feminists make me sad to be a female.
A little bit about five people:
1. Tara Rule is Really tall and thinks the same way as I do. She's my new best friend and I like spending time with her because she doesn't get mad when I fart. She makes me laugh every day.
2. My father is a cuckoo. He likes old music and movies and television and I would be so stupid and uncultured without him. He only gets mad at me if I actually did something wrong, even though he has mood swings like a woman.
3. Jared Mark is a total fag who never hangs out with me but calls me at all hours of the night. Screw that dude. TUH.
4. Mrs. Gangemi is my English teacher. I go to her classroom every day though, she's my favorite person in the school, including other students. She gives me a hug every time I frown.
5. Marshall Hallenbeck is my boyfriend and I have so many different kinds of love for him. He's a great friend, he treats me so well, and he defends me and protects me against anyone who's mean or scary. He's always looking out for me and I always know he loves me. He likes bad music, but he's the best thing in my life. If I could be around him every day I would. He's also unbelievably cute. What a catch. =)
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I like you.
Jan. 14th, 2009 | 09:46 pm
mood: sleepy
music: Heart
I like Marshall. He's pretty cool. We're talking right now about how we love each other and we like each other too. I HAVEN'T WRITTEN IN FOREVER. My anniversary with Mahshall is in 4 days. ANNIVERSARY? That prefix means a YEAR. I use caps lock too much.
My day, you ask?
My day was pretty good.
Woke up and didn't shower. That isn't a big deal.
The best part is that today was my crazy easy day.
First block I had gym class and we did Barbie aerobics, which was EPIC. Then we played floor hockey and I got hit really hard and the nurse was like, "Oh your thumb might be broken. Here's an ice pack." TUH.
Second block was orchestra, nothing special. Nice though I LOVE MARCH TO THE SCAFFOLD.
Third block I had econ, we gave presentations on how our Green School projects are going where we try to implement programs or changes to make the school more eco-friendly. We're trying to fix the showers in the locker rooms so they save more water and energy. It's going alright.
Fourth block I had fashion and I got like nothing done because I was helping other people. I did get the flaps on my vest though, which is nice.
After school I went to Chem and did a lab with this guy named Jeremy, he was super friendly and we had a good conversation.
After that I was sitting on the top of the stairs in the front of the school by the auditorium making uncomfortable eye contact with a freshman waiting for his activity bus and after like seven seconds I just screamed really loudly, it was hilarious.
Then I went to Marshall's and surprised him cos he's been really sick, he smiled forEVER. It was so cute.
Then my mom was mean and Tara and Dave and I went to the mall and I completed my plan for Marshall's anniversary surprise. Then I came home and watched World's Strongest Man and now I'm on the phone with Marshmallow.
Overall I'm rating this day a nine. Very good day. Tomorrow will be AWFUL.
Lately:
I hang out with Tara 5-6 times a week, and that's about it. We bowl a lot and sometimes our new friend Dave goes. Different Dave than the one I used to have a crush on. That Dave and I are recently starting to talk again, it's cool. We're both so different than we were when we first met. Way interesting.
That's all. I wish I was charming like I used to be.
My day, you ask?
My day was pretty good.
Woke up and didn't shower. That isn't a big deal.
The best part is that today was my crazy easy day.
First block I had gym class and we did Barbie aerobics, which was EPIC. Then we played floor hockey and I got hit really hard and the nurse was like, "Oh your thumb might be broken. Here's an ice pack." TUH.
Second block was orchestra, nothing special. Nice though I LOVE MARCH TO THE SCAFFOLD.
Third block I had econ, we gave presentations on how our Green School projects are going where we try to implement programs or changes to make the school more eco-friendly. We're trying to fix the showers in the locker rooms so they save more water and energy. It's going alright.
Fourth block I had fashion and I got like nothing done because I was helping other people. I did get the flaps on my vest though, which is nice.
After school I went to Chem and did a lab with this guy named Jeremy, he was super friendly and we had a good conversation.
After that I was sitting on the top of the stairs in the front of the school by the auditorium making uncomfortable eye contact with a freshman waiting for his activity bus and after like seven seconds I just screamed really loudly, it was hilarious.
Then I went to Marshall's and surprised him cos he's been really sick, he smiled forEVER. It was so cute.
Then my mom was mean and Tara and Dave and I went to the mall and I completed my plan for Marshall's anniversary surprise. Then I came home and watched World's Strongest Man and now I'm on the phone with Marshmallow.
Overall I'm rating this day a nine. Very good day. Tomorrow will be AWFUL.
Lately:
I hang out with Tara 5-6 times a week, and that's about it. We bowl a lot and sometimes our new friend Dave goes. Different Dave than the one I used to have a crush on. That Dave and I are recently starting to talk again, it's cool. We're both so different than we were when we first met. Way interesting.
That's all. I wish I was charming like I used to be.
